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I Am a Griever or Bereaved

Have you or someone you know experienced a loss? Perhaps you have noticed that they are less social than they once were, or maybe even not participating in "normal" day-to-day activities, such as going to work, eating, showering, or doing the activities that used to bring them joy.  It is possible that you or this individual may be grieving the loss of someone, something, or both.

Grief and bereavement can manifest in a variety of ways.  You may not experience them exactly as we have described above, but as a griever you feel different, and someone around you may notice things seem different from time to time.

It has been demonstrated that, even with these indicators, children and men tend to grieve differently, so it is important to be open to dialogue and make space for the process and journey of grief when we are living with grief or around someone who is grieving. You don't have to feel alone, hospice societies are here to help!


Understanding Grief and Bereavement

What is grief?

It is a strong emotion that is often overwhelming for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, been diagnosed with a chronic or terminal illness, been disabled, or suffered a significant loss.

When someone experiences grief, different feelings are experienced, such as sadness, anger, helplessness, frustration, which can have significant psychological impact if not handled appropriately.

Important things to know about grief

Grief is a natural process

Grief is a natural response to loss that affects everyone at some point. It is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. This impacts your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief affects your entire life

Grief affects every aspect of life, resulting in significant changes to daily routines and emotional well-being. The loss of a loved one creates a void that influences our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This experience can be overwhelming, often making it difficult to focus on anything else. Grieving can disrupt eating habits, daily routines, and sleep, and it may also lead to physical symptoms of pain and discomfort.

Everyone grieves in their own way

Grief is a universal experience, but the way people cope with loss varies greatly. Understanding that everyone grieves differently has an impact on how we support ourselves and others during difficult times. Each person's journey through grief is unique and influenced by their personality, cultural background, and support system. Accepting these differences can help create a more compassionate environment for those experiencing loss.

There is no timeline for grief

Grief doesn't follow a set schedule. The idea that you should "get over it" within a certain timeframe is a harmful myth. It is a process, not a task with a clear endpoint. Some people may feel better after a few months, while others may take years to adjust to their loss. It's essential to recognize that grief takes as long as it takes. Employers and friends should understand that anniversaries can be challenging, even years later.

Grief can fluctuate and change

Grief often comes in waves, hitting unexpectedly and with varying intensity. These waves can catch you off guard, even long after the loss occurred. One moment, you might feel like you're coping well, and the next, you're overwhelmed by emotion. This unpredictable nature of grief is normal and part of the healing process.

Children also grieve

Children experience grief differently from adults. Their reactions depend on their age and developmental stage. Young children may not fully understand the concept of death, while older kids might grasp its permanence. Grief in children often comes in waves, with moments of sadness followed by periods of play. This doesn't mean they're not grieving; it's their way of coping with overwhelming emotions. Children are deeply affected by how adults around them handle grief. It's crucial for adults to seek support for themselves to better assist their grieving children. Remember, grief has no timeline, and children may revisit their loss at different developmental stages throughout their lives.

Grief may change you

Grief has a profound impact on our lives, often leading to unexpected personal growth. While the process is painful, it can transform us in meaningful ways. Grief changes our priorities and values, fundamentally altering our worldview. Things that once seemed important may lose their significance. This shift can be both empowering and disorienting.

Social connections and relationships may change

Grief may impact relationships, affecting interactions with romantic partners, family, friends, and acquaintances. Depending on how individuals cope and communicate, the grieving process can strain existing connections or strengthen them. Interacting socially while grieving can be challenging. Many people experience a sense of disconnection or feeling different in social situations. It's important to communicate needs clearly and set boundaries to maintain comfort in social settings while grieving. Remember that having a support system, including trusted friends, family members, or professionals who provide emotional and practical support is crucial.

Don't forget to take care of yourself

Grief has a profound impact on our physical well-being. Paying attention to your body's needs during this challenging time is crucial. Getting adequate sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying hydrated are essential. Caring for your emotional health is equally important. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Practice self-compassion and be gentle with yourself. Remember, there's no timeline for grief, so take the time you need to heal. Grief counselling can also provide valuable support and coping strategies. Don't hesitate to reach out to a qualified therapist or join a grief support group. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Grief is a spiritual journey

Grief often leads us to explore deeper questions about life and death. Many find comfort in spirituality, which can provide a framework for understanding loss. This journey involves seeking purpose in pain and transforming grief into personal growth. During grief, individuals often grapple with fundamental questions about existence, faith, and the afterlife. These inquiries can challenge or strengthen one's beliefs. Engaging with these spiritual questions can be a crucial part of the healing process.

Adapted from Victoria Hospice's Ten Things to Know about Grief

What is bereavement?

Grief and mourning happen during a period of time called bereavement. Bereavement refers to the time when a person experiences sadness after losing a loved one or someone they know. It is associated with a loss of life.

Knowing What to Expect

It is possible to experience a wide range of emotions when a death occurs, even when it is expected. After first learning of a death, many people report feeling numbness, but the grieving process is not in any particular order. You may experience the following emotions:

  • Denial

  • Disbelief

  • Confusion

  • Shock

  • Sadness

  • Yearning

  • Anger

  • Humiliation

  • Despair

  • Guilt

Experiencing these feelings is not unusual. You may be unprepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how quickly your moods may change, and you loss.

Remember: It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing the person that you’ve lost, but the pain eases after time and allows you to continue with life.

Needing more information?

Below you will find some coping and support strategies along with additional resources in supporting someone who is grieving or to help inform you on this journey. Don't forget to contact your community hospice societies, they are EXPERTS in grief and bereavement. 

                  Helping Children with Grief                       Helping Older Adults with Grief

Palliative care: Making space to grieve
Lillian's story

A palliative approach to care can help families and caregivers with their grief as they support their loved ones to live life as fully as possible.


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BCHPCA represents its members: individuals and organizations that deliver hospice/palliative care and bereavement services and programs across British Columbia and the Yukon Territory.

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The BC Hospice Palliative Care Association (BCHPCA) recognizes the traditional land of the First Nations, Métis and Inuit peoples who have walked before us and minded the lands we now call home for time immemorial. Hospice Societies have been able to support, aid and care for many people on these same lands.

The BCHPCA Offices are located on the ancestral, traditional, and unceded lands of the Coast Salish Peoples, including the territories of the Musqueam, Squamish, and TsleilWaututh Nations.


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